Neon Maniacs/The Hidden

Title: Neon Maniacs
Director: Joseph Mangine
Year: 1986

This film exemplifies the human capacity for ingenuity. Or, at least, creative insanity. Exactly how the premise for this movie came about, and how someone managed to sell it to potential investors is beyond me, but that doesn't change the fact that Neon Maniacs is awesome. Chalk it up to "only in the 80's".

The film's basic premise is that a group of demonic monster-things lives inside the Golden Gate bridge and are somehow awakened and go on a rampage killing people (mostly teenagers...yay!). But the 'maniacs' themselves are the highlight of the show. They each have sort of a theme to their character and a different way of killing people. Ape, Archer, Axe, Decapitator, Doc, Hangman, Juice, Mohawk, Punk Biker, Samurai, Slasher, and Soldier. Regarding some of them, I'm not exactly sure which is which, but several of the more key maniacs are pretty obvious.

The baddest-ass is, of course, Samurai, who walks around with a samurai sword cutting up sinful youngsters and the like. Archer has a crossbow, Doc puts people out with ether and then does surgery on them, Hangman does exactly as his name implies, and etc. The make-up/creature effects on these guys are pretty excellent and fun. Oh, and I forgot to mention the only way to kill them is with water. And doing so tends to result in a spray of green slime.

Everything about this movie screams 'best-fucking-idiocy-of-the-1980's'. From the gore, which is campy (especially the interrupted-oral-sex scene which probably inspired a very similar gag in Eli Roth's fake trailer for Thanksgiving in Grindhouse), to the maniacs themselves, to the fact that the final showdown takes place at a highschool halloween dance during a battle of the bands between the quasi-hero's teenie-pop band and a hair metal band. All done without a hint of self-consciousness or concern for taste.

The effects are pretty good, with most of the kills played as gags, and I personally just love the whole concept of the maniacs. The acting is alright, but at the end of the day, even a compelling performance is going to be kind of a 'who cares' next to a one-eyed beast with huge meathooks chopping up some jock's face, or a demon-thing dressed like a native american warrior shooting green slime out of its torso while a bunch of costumed teens pelt it with squirt guns.

All in all, an over-the-top exercise in ridiculous action and campy gore that anyone with a good sense of humor and a love of the brutally absurd should appreciate.

Title: The Hidden
Director: Jack Sholder
Year: 1987

The Hidden exemplifies yet another gem of the 1980's. I would call this movie Predator meets Terminator meets Robocop on steroids. It's an excellent alien-among-us story(taking its cue from Robert Heinlein's seminal alien-invasion novel The Puppet Masters). An over-the-top, ultraviolent testosterone-fest full of guns, explosions, fast cars, and heavy fucking metal. Once again, only in the 80's.

The basic premise revolves around an alien lifeform come to Earth that hides inside a human host and takes it over. Only this is no ordinary alien. It isn't here to colonize, or exterminate us, or feed on us like food, or use our planet for natural resources. Hell no, because that would make sense. Drop that shit at the door, friends. This alien is here to fucking party. And partying means killing people, robbing banks, stealing Ferraris, and getting in high-speed chases. Partying means sex, drugs, big-ass medium rare steak dinners, violence, guns, and Iron Maiden. Can anyone say 'no' to that?

The effects are great, especially the alien itself. I've heard that the infamous early scene showing the alien transferring from one host to another has made some people physically ill. Once the alien controls a body, it can take a lot more damage before going down than a person normally can, so you basically have squib-city here. People running around riddled with bullet holes killing cops and anyone else who gets in the way. Lots of pulpy bullet impacts and blood. So the action here is pretty intense, and very well done, especially the pretty awesome car stunts and explosions.

The gun battles are great. There is a literal plethora of weapons making their show in this movie, from flamethrowers to assault rifles to rocket launchers. Not a damn thing is off-limits here. The pacing is excellent, the action pretty much never lets up, and the plot moves along at breakneck speed, advancing from one spate of violence to the next. You really feel like you were on one hell of a rollercoaster ride after seeing this, especially if you try to watch anything a little more cerebral afterwards. It just doesn't compare.

All in all, The Hidden really satisfies any craving for extreme violence, nasty aliens, and over-the-top gunfighting action. It's a real hit of 1980's film-making, with a taste for the outrageous, the absurd, and the gratuitous. We really just don't see movies like this anymore, and that is pretty sad in my opinion. So, yes, the Hidden is absolutely essential viewing for fans of The Terminator, Robocop, Predator, Predator 2, Aliens, etc. Oh yeah, and the pounding metal soundtrack is pretty badass, too.